Yes, thankfully another sucky Christmas has come and finally gone...this loneliness is tearing me apart. I want to belong to someone, to have someone belong to me. I hate being alone...but i am okay by myself. I have dated a couple guys, and i like all of them very much. One guys name is Larry...he's such a little cutie! Curly blond hair and blue eyes...the prettiest blue eyes i've ever seen. He's about 5'6, and a little on the chubby side...CUTENESS!! He has the most adorable chubby ass and belly! He's 30, 4 months my junior. I like the way he talks, and stuff...it's feminine, but very cute. He also looks alot like a blond version of my ex, Gary.
Then there's this other dude, Jeff. He's half Mexican and half Hawaiian. I went out with him a few days ago. He's in his 40's i think, but very handsome. I had a wonderful time with him. His eyes are beautiful too, and i like the way he was with me...his personality was great!
I like both of these guys alot...and then there's a 3rd. My buddy Dave (aka Micky Harley) is also coming out here next week, on the 3rd to visit me. I like him too, and we've been talking for like, almost 2 years. In may 2009 it will be two years since we met. We met right after Gary and i broke up. Online. This will be the first time we will be meeting in person. I'm kinda' nervous, but kinda' not...don't know why. Perhaps i am becoming jaded, and detached. Oh well. Yes, there is much loneliness, and i also STILL miss Gary...and i regret breaking up with him very much. I remember everything about him still...his personality, the way he talked, walked...smelled, the way he made love to me. God, i miss him. I can't believe it still disturbs me now, almost 2 years after the break-up. I loved him so very much...i wonder if he knew that. I know he loved me. All that's left now are bitter memories...and perhaps that's why he cut off contact with me. It was too painful for him to stay in contact with me. It brings all kinds of emotions to the forefront...bitterness, anger, sorrow, sadness, tears.
I think he misses me as well...